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Common Hurdles

  • Expectations vs. fantasies, over estimating ability, over estimating skills...
  • Multiple emails aka "poking" I hate it. Email is not chat. Channel your waiting into something else.
  • Everyone is different and showing up and trying new things matter more to me than your ability to execute something more advanced on a first meet.
  • "Anything for you Goddess" is one of the most common things I hear from people who don't show up to meetings, and more often than not these same people need a lot of help following directions. Don't pretend you can take anything when you've tried nothing.
  • Do not assume negotiations will be done via some grand role play, they won't: I need your sane + sober negotiation, real-person, grown-up voice for the safety and screening.
  • Inability to hear the word "no" or "slow down"/ asks for space as anything other than "harsh". I use the word No and it's cousins all the time when I mean it. Hear it as it is, not as a rejection of yourself. If you don't feel like doing what I ask, that's your choice not to respect me/ my needs and we won't be doing anything together.

* Free Slave Tasks for the Impatient (choose as many as you’d like): Sit on your hands. Tie up your balls. Do 100 pushups. Stretch your legs and hips. Get up and walk away from the computer. Hydrate. Save a Draft. Go for a Walk. Lift Weights. Put yourself in chastity. Take on a physical task. Fix something in your house. Clean your desk. Do a good deed for someone else. Reach out to someone you haven't heard from in a while. Read up on your kinks. Try not to spend money, but if you have to, check out my wishlist or videos.

FAQ

  • What should I expect?
    * This is a hard question to answer without a bit more information as to what’s making you nervous. If there are specific details that make you worry or feel anxious or paranoid I can sometimes help reassure you and work with them if I know asap. What I often note is for live scenes the meeting itself will have an arrival which involves touching base before the scene for final meeting details. When you arrive to see me I will bring you into the private space and direct you to somewhere to place your things, or the shower depending on your needs. I do a verbal check in with you then before I even get into “character” or start doing things to you. I don’t use very strict protocol on most first meetings, will offer a safe word but leave space for getting to know your body language and give you the ability to speak up if things are going sideways or need to head toward a different activity on our list. Safety negotiations are extremely important to me, and once that happens and you show you can follow directions then things get a lot more smooth from then on. I can’t say how we might click, I don’t know what your expectations or experience are unless you tell me. Expect to experience something new, to have your boundaries respected, and to be in a room with an amazing woman with a variety of exciting and terrifying skills whois quite active and into sensory layering.

  • What will you do to me?
    * One of the most common questions but quite difficult to answer. I take what you say you can handle, mix it with your body language and ability in scene, combine with materials and see what scene and interactions arise. I can plan something down to the last detail and it not work out with someone even if the activities included are like dangling carrots to them. That’s just the nature of interpersonal relationships. Over time it becomes much easier to know what things to toss into my bag, to trust your use of safe words and use of language (“destroy” vs. hurt vs harm). We may attempt foot domination but you may have terrible hearing when in subspace. You may second guess your want to “eat shit and get dunked in a toilet” as the “threat” draws nearer. Not all kinky goals can be achieved on a first meeting. There is often necessary time spent correcting behaviour and teaching/ experimenting with approaches with a variety of activities and a new person before it “gets you there”. A lot of BDSM has to do with trust, and trusting a stranger to only hurt you so much or push you just enough...so some of the work is on your end as well.

  • Why can’t I book you immediately/ Why aren’t you online more?
    * I do a lot of things and work on a variety of projects as well as write and love the outdoors. I book ahead for most things and value my quiet time. Sometimes I’m fully booked, sometimes I need to be refreshed before taking on more complex/multi-hour scenes. Advanced notice is necessary for getting the best scenes. I’m not into people who push their urgency at me, it’s disrespectful to stand around yelling on my internet porch sending me 6 emails in a row and it’s not attractive. I’ll have some regular availability in 2018 for same-day online + phone bookings with people I’ve played with before and some newbs, but deposits must be sent in advance of meeting before I hop online. I do keep tribute tabs for those with less regular online availability who may only have last minute windows.

  • Will you take me out to the woods with you? Can we do a public humiliation scene? Will you KO Me?
    * These are more advanced things. I need to know you can follow directions and understand me or we won’t be able to work well for riskier and more challenging interactions. Likewise public humiliation and crazy costume scenes or flashmob style in and out public bits: you have to be able to obey me and understand my cues to execute these. Survival and off grid camping is not for new hiking sissies that's for sure. KO's will not happen on a first scene without 3 active referrals from SPs. Otherwise I take you close + bring you back to see how your body responds.

  • Why don’t you do X, Y or Z?
    * Because I don’t. Check back in 5 years, but probably not.

  • Will you personally cut off my balls?
    * No.

  • Will you make me cry?
    * Do you want to cry?

  • Where do private sessions take place?
    * I utilize a few spaces depending on the equipment needed, of course many of my public meets and consults are in parks of my choosing or coffee shops.. Private scenes take place in private spaces. Almost all with showers (ex. obscure outdoor meets won’t all have them).

  • Will there be other people there/ present during live play?
    * Did you pay for the time of other providers or play “witnesses”, or request something involving more people in our pre-negotiations? If not, then no. other people to be there? Alternatively if we negotiate for me to take you to a play party, yes people will see and yes you can usually wear a hood pre and post bouncer/ in scenes that involve other people.

  • How does Booking work?
    * Via email, pre-negotiations are all done via email as well. (Some people choose to pay for Niteflirt/ Text chat to have the back and forth in one sitting vs a few emails.) Deposit comes through to me, I book the space, we confirm with part address, and on the day of you’ll be calling or texting me 5-10 mins before our scene for the rest of the details). In some cases I will come out to get you from a street corner of my choosing when the need arises.

  • Can you take the type of deposit/gift/ tribute *I* want to give? Can you accept booking another way?
    * No.

  • I really really need to physically get off during a scene, are you the right provider for this?
    * No.

  • I’m a student/ don’t have all the $$ right now can you give me a discount?
    * No discount on my time no. I will however hold funds for you for up to a year while you save up in small increments- hooray!

  • Do your rates change with longer term servitude?
    * Yes sometimes they change when there is a regularity to our training or meetings, that doesn’t mean if you see me once a year you can ask. I’m talking weekly meetings. slave contracts, monthly arrangements etc which I will only discuss after someone shows up on the regular and shows they can follow directions.

  • I saw you do a thing in a video, will you do that to me? Was that real?
    * Maybe, but I still need to get to know you better. Also films are not scenes and not an indication of how a scene plays out IRL. Kinky films sell a fantasy, and sometimes a reality that exists between myself and a trained or trusted submissive. Wanting a certain vibe or feel is a challenging thing to duplicate. Yes the kicks and breathplay in my videos are real things.

  • Are you going to secretly film or photograph me?
    * Did you sign a video release form for me with valid ID? Then No. I won’t use film without written consent + ID. If your fantasy involves being “secretly filmed” and having that shown to you at a later time, that still involves pre-negotiating and a video release form. Likewise with photos, not without consent, and I won’t ask during a scene when you cannot properly consent.

  • Can I film with you? Can you use me for photos?
    All film sluts are pulled from regular serving slaves or subs of my fellow Dominas. It’s really rare that it’s someone I’ve never played with because there’s no proof of being able to follow directions which is crucial at a shoot. A shoot is not a scene and you need to be moved and posed and listening. Sometimes for shoots I just need bodies, background characters, human props for photos and if you’re interested in that, let me know. It’s rare that I’ll ask you.

  • Can we chat for free?
    * No. My time is tributes for even small talk, but know that as much as I’m available for that, vanilla small talk bores me nearly to death, so don’t bother me with it. If you’re looking for BDSM advice, bribery/ tribute means a lot.

  • Can we play via Social Media private messaging?
    * No. I offer a few methods for online interactions and those are the options.

  • What's the deal with your Twitter?
    * Want to be all chatty on my social media? Email me, buy my videos, book online time with me. Address Me as Contessa. Support + Retweet my Work. Otherwise talking *at* me and looking for free attention there will not be rewarded. If you’ve been a dingus on there and wish to be unblocked there’s a fee for that too, and I recommend sending an email with a regular slave application done properly to show me you can follow directions and boundaries as part of that apology to ask for attention the right way.

  • Where’s your Instagram?
    *Tucked away for now. If I have time for it again I might take it for a spin, but consider it locked in a treasure chest at the bottom of the ocean and the key in some dormant volcano.

  • Let’s chat on Fetlife!
    * Probably not. If you have female identifying sexworker friends on there with established brands that I would work well with, get them to drop me a line. Likewise connect me with female/ femme makers of kink items. Invite me to neat kinky events that are listed on there, otherwise leave it be. It’s really not my preference for communication. I don’t have time to meet men for free.

  • Can I be your sex slave?
    * No.

  • Can I live with you as a dependant and be ordered around full time?
    * No.

  • Do you need a driver or go-fer?
    * Not presently. Errand go-fers and drivers are taken from my regular visitors when they are, so get in line and hop to regular servitude.

  • Can I be your wife/ husband/ conventional partner/ are you single/ can we just meet for drinks?
    * No.

  • How do I Address you?
    * As “Contessa”, “Goddess” or “Queen”

  • Can you give me some tips for contacting you?
    * Yes.. Read On:

  • A Dominatrix can help you grow and learn to be a better person, lover, submissive, listener, restore your senses and many other things. I’ve been here offering kink that I really believe in for over a decade. It’s you that needs to tell yourself that you are ready to gain some experience points with me, consent to the screening process and show me how you follow directions and communicate. I know I’m awesome and terrifying, but withholding base level info doesn’t help me understand you. I’ve been out as a weird kinkster for a long time, I will not judge you based on your fantasies, or give out your information. I’m will not give you immensely important/ intimate tasks or be able to orchestrate wacky public stuff until you are near handling it by proving yourself.