More about Booking
More Booking Info:
The way you handle booking is part of screening, that shouldn't come as a surprise. The negotiation is really important for making sure our language use aligns; that I'm understanding what you are intending to communicate to the best of your ability, and mine. The sex nerd part of me loves negotiating and finding our overlap: once I get that foundation, my imagination can run wild. The professional part of me keeps many details a surprise, but also waits til after the deposit and booking to get into further kinky details to make sure we stay on task getting that time booked.
Contact Form —> Negotiate + Screen —> Deposit + Booking in the Calendar
Helpful Tidbits:
Use my contact form to start off giving me the basics: click here to see all I need to know to start chatting
Be ready with your ID or reference ( Get consent from that provider to use them as a reference!)
Electronic deposits + screening are mandatory for all first meetings (no cash deposits)
Write on behalf of yourself only (Couples/ Crews- I need to attain consent/ negotiate with all folks involved- I do not do surprises)
Deposits:
Deposits are required to secure your time slot and are a sign of respect for time put into prep + negotiations. They must be electronic, and expect up to 50% of the rate to be sent in advance. They count towards total tribute with bookings, and must be cleared in advance of our meeting day, ideally at the time of booking.
If you bail, no show, or cancel last minute the deposit is kept. Rescheduling with ample notice with most or all of the deposit is not impossible as real emergencies do happen, and I'd rather reschedule than cancel after putting in the planning work for our shenanigans. NEVER put anything in the comment/ note section of a deposit unless a provider asks you to- I remind everyone when the time comes.
Instances where I'd cancel a booking and keep a deposit fully might include: abusive or coercive comms after booking with me or any of my colleagues, fishing for fetish chats about details without respecting my time/work, trauma dumping, writing me long inebriated stories or stories trashing women/ other providers, showing up intoxicated or obnoxiously late etc.
Negotiating:
I need to know you are willing to communicate when it's important- try your best. Tell me a few things you like and don't like, being direct helps build trust and understanding so when the time is right, I can push++ with confidence.
Be honest about your past experience level
Verbalize at least one limit (saying "no limits" is not helpful)
Expect follow up questions - I'm clarifying things that have multiple meanings to ensure I'm getting clear consent from you from a grounded headspace. Try not to skip questions I may ask you: answer to the best of your ability vs. avoidance.
Accept no. If I can offer something close to, but not that exact thing, I will mention it.
One email at a time (save follow up things in a draft when you get really excited!)
I may need a provider reference even with ID if we aren't exactly able to get on the same page, or to confirm your experience level with a high risk activity for safety reasons
--> Goals: be careful getting stuck on any one particular need for a session: of course it's wonderful when everything aligns but be willing to pivot, have a few! I'm here for doing our best to get you somewhere, but from experience, it helps to broaden what you are willing to accept before playing. Losing time to anger and frustration over feeling something is a failure instead of valuable experience can be a big time and happiness-eater. I can build and craft sessions around very specific things, just remember bodies don't always cooperate so, going in with creative things to fall back on can greatly improve your overall experience- from one experience collector to another.
-->When communication goes really sideways, or we really can't get on the same page, I will often tell folks to write back in 3 to 6 months, and sometimes to pick up a reference from another provider during that window as well: more practice negotiating, and gives a reference person who can translate where we were missing each other on the first try. Telling you to wait is not a punishment, it is a method of resetting our start point to give a real second attempt at understanding each other. How you handle that request is important.
First Sessions
There are HEAPS of questions that run through people's brains leading up to playing, and it's such a range that it's always been a challenge to have a standing FAQ. Everyone's bodies and minds are so different in general, and can range from day to day. Even my biggest experience sluts have days where they can't take 'that intense thing we did that time'. I do absolutely do very intense things, kinky stunts, heavy pain training and more. I don't do the intense stuff and edge play on a first meeting for consent reasons and I need that consent from the most grounded headspace you can offer to me beforehand.
It is extremely unlikely that someone will nail 100 percent of the vibes and fantasy you have in your head on a first session (if ever), in part because fantasies also involve fantasy humans and actions, because words have ranges of meaning, and other things that are no fault of anyone, so show up with reasonable expectations for a better experience. remember a lot of the hottest play is along the edge of ‘the thing’ more than ‘doing the thing’ which is where we feel the height of our natural chemicals if things are aligned that day.
Headspace when in a power exchange situation can be tricky: some people can absolutely speak up and say no and want to be put in positions to say no, and some people can't really speak up during, or will find themselves asking for pushing soft limits when "scene high". Thats when I play around or threaten that thing, instead of doing that thing, with newbs.
I sketch out a bit of an activity playground and pencil a plan in an order of ramping up intensity that has a lot of pivots and unknowns to leave room for where that person's body and mind are on the day of- I have no problem dropping something from the plan if it's not working.
Here’s a bit of an FAQ that is probably most handy for first timers:
What are you going to do to me?
—>The stuff we discussed and probably some creative variations of those things. I'll check in with you more than I would in a regular session, and take more care in making sure your positioning is comfortable-ish, because I'm just meeting your body. I really couldn't say for sure.
How will X activity feel?
—> It depends on the person. How would you like it to feel? Does that normally make you feel that way or are you looking for a new feeling? Do you experience stimuli as painful, overwhelming, input, layers? How do these things usually sit for you specifically?
Are you going to do "that scary thing" to me? (intense stunt from one of my videos that I did with a long term sub)
—> No. If we didn’t discuss that activity, chances are it wont even come up. Just because I do intense things doesn’t mean I push everyone toward that, or toward anything we haven’t discussed.
But I have no limits, why isn't that hot/ enough for you?
—>Because it's not grounded in a place that I can trust. I understand the intent in saying something like that to me, but in reality it doesn't help me. Even my most intense sluts have some limits, and they haven't limited our play.
What if I don't remember the safewords?
—> We can use any safeword you like, or the traffic light system (red, yellow, green), but on first sessions, I will also accept other forms of verbal and non -erbal No as a reason to directly or indirectly check in with you during first meetings. Not everyone goes into a headspace, or "lizard brain" while playing for the first time, but it occasionally happens without folks even being aware of it so I leave space for that.
I will sometimes use a safeword if I need a full break from power dynamics for a real check-in related to safety: I can count on one hand the number of times that this occurred and it's only been when something safety-related popped up that needed attention for me or for the scene.
What are the basic rules for conduct?
- Respect my personal space, don’t touch me without permission
- Respect the playspaces we are in- we are lucky to have them
- Speak up for your needs with safeword or without
- Address me as Contessa or whatever we agreed upon, never mistress
What should I do to prepare for a session?
- Leave ample time to arrive on time without showing up anxious or heart racing/ stomach flipped from being late
- Being hydrated coming in, well slept and even a little stretch the day of or day before can go a long way
- Some folks hold off on things like coffee, fast food, masturbating or alcohol before playing as they find things more intense that way
-Some folks make sure to eat something with lots of fibre the day before and of to make sure their body feels comfy for playing. depends on how that person’s body functions
Can I ask you to wear certain things?
Absolutely you may request me to wear certain materials (leather, latex, fetish wear), and I'll let you know if that works with what we are doing. Picking out my entire outfit is less of interest to me, but if you saw an outfit in one of my videos that you loved, ask. I'll say no if I don't want to.
-->I'm not interested in wearing intimate fetish clothing items that have been brought to a number of sessions like shoes and underwear, or cheap itchy costumes bought online- if you want something really specific and are willing to buy it, check with me first
What is arrival like for sessions?
—> Being on time, not hovering around the entrance or chatting up strangers nearby
——> Get settled, drink of water, casual settle in, tribute hand-off, check-in how your body is feeling
———->The shower! A good wash before I play with you. I do last min gear grabs and pivots during this time
————->Playing! I lead you to the first play area and we begin slowly. First playtimes may be awkward, silly, overwhelming, confusing, any number of things- it takes time to settle in.
How do sessions end?
- Possibly lying on the floor a few minutes while hydrating
- A shower to rinse off the shenanigans, get dressed
- Maybe more hydrating / a bit of a sit down
- Then heading out for the journey home.
Can I live in your closet/ work for you/ be your sex slave or full time toilet?
—> No. Closeness to me is earned.
Subs and experience sluts who serve me in closer ways, have earned those positions through playing via sessions or distance serving consistently. I understand the fantasy of being owned, and 'fantasy labour', dreaming that one can trade specific labour for my skills/ attention and it's generally not for me. I actually post tasks on THIS PAGE HERE IT IS HECK, things I'd actually want help with. I'm very independent and value my alone time: no one who has access to me 24/7 but me. I don't do "exclusivity". I have subs who have served me for 10-15+ years who are not collared, who are also very independent. I don't want a 'slave' to live in my closet or bathroom, or an untrained employee to manage.
